So what if i'm into that kind of stuff?

You may be surprised to fid out that your neighbor is also, maybe your elementary school teacher, your doctor, lawyer, close friend, ex, babysitter, mother, brother, child. Hell, you might just be too.

Who are we? We're human.

Going it alone.

I could be wrong, but right now i feel as though im going to be without a romantic partner for the better part of my life.

Im no good with women when it comes to relationships. I get strong feelings of lust followed by strange feelings of a need for detachment from them.

I'm fairly unhappy most of the time when i'm alone. But when i get attention from people, i crave being "invisible". This isn't limited to women paying attention to me, but everyone, which is a problem, considering my occupation. If only i could receive positive attention from people, but keep my anonymity.

Sort of like a mysterious performer.

I must be selfish.

Isn't everyone selfish in someway though?

Maybe i have to devote myself to my crafts and arts (not arts and crafts) that i am so interested in. Music, magic, juggling, literature, photography, etc.

Because when alone, and doing something i love, i'm not unhappy at all. In fact, i'm usually more happy doing what i love alone, than doing what i love with someone.

Hmm, maybe thats not true.

Sometimes.......maybe.

But i guess what im trying to say is that i can be content with playing the drums, practicing magic, reading, writing, drinking, dining, rolling a sphere around my body, taking photographs, sounding bad on the piano, and sleeping in a bed, all alone.

At least for now.

Ugh, i sound damn annoying, but who reads this shit anyway.

Here, have a photo cyberspace...

Photo: Souper macro using a manual 55 with a glass ball held up against the lens, 5 second exposure, don't know the F but it was pretty small, set off external flash from off the camera twice in different locations. camera moved unintentionally, but it worked for what it is. Small amount of color and contrast adjustments in photoshop.

A friendly and patient moth.

The white moth

I really am fascinated with moths, this one was was almost completely white, however against the yellowish paint and the warm fluorescent lights i couldn't exactly get the lighting i wanted, so i decided to screw with the color in photoshop.

I recently had photos taken by master photographer Adrian Buckmaster, and i have to say, he inspired me. I thought for sure i had dropped out of photography, keeping it merely as a part time hobby, and not venturing further into the art. But after seeing his work, and peering into his way of life, i think photography is something i want to grab a hold of again. This time with a more open mind.

I hope you like the photo, not that anyone reads this...

Ardella

My good Friend Tyler is a generous man, and an awesome thrower of after parties.

This is one of my favourite shots from the party.

August 2010

NYC

Protection

I think im starting to do better.

I hope it's not just a "phase".

Photo today: my windshield.

Intruder

I've been having strange sleeping habits lately.

Still no job. Im going to be out on the street pretty soon.

Photo taken at an abandon mental asylum, somewhere.

Whats wrong?

Why cant i commit to things?

Why cant i get done the things i need and want to get done?

Is it a chemical imbalance?

I could accomplish so much in so little time if i could only concentrate and commit.

Im intelligent, im creative, im clever, im talented, im good looking, and im fairly confidant in what I do. But i lack a good or even decent work ethic. I dont know how to manage my time or effort and in turn, i get nothing done.

Is it ADD?

Is it "just a phase"?

Is it just who I am?

Whatever it is, it needs to stop.

Photo, a piano.

Im sure IT once worked.