Whats wrong?

Why cant i commit to things?

Why cant i get done the things i need and want to get done?

Is it a chemical imbalance?

I could accomplish so much in so little time if i could only concentrate and commit.

Im intelligent, im creative, im clever, im talented, im good looking, and im fairly confidant in what I do. But i lack a good or even decent work ethic. I dont know how to manage my time or effort and in turn, i get nothing done.

Is it ADD?

Is it "just a phase"?

Is it just who I am?

Whatever it is, it needs to stop.

Photo, a piano.

Im sure IT once worked.

long time, no post

Im a waste in so many ways.

Photo, in my backyard.

Back

I'd like to first apologize for being a total slacker, i've been preoccupied with many other activities including designing the lights for a show my friend was producing. What a rigamaroll production that was.

Anyway.

So i just finished watching An American Crime with my biggest crush ever, Ellen Page. Quite a disturbing film i must say, powerful characters, moving music, and such an atmosphere, i almost felt filthy during the scene where Gertrude's ex was coming on to her in that musty, ill, poorly-lit living room.

Seriously, Ellen Page! I want to meet her one day, me and 14,940,852 others. =/ oh well. Maybe one day when im a rock star, I'll be cast in a movie to do a cameo because they have a scene where Ellen's character goes to a battle of the bands concert, and the band thats playing is just finishing up their set before Ellen's friend goes on to play the accordion. I'll be that drummer playing a solo in the out of focus upper left corner of the screen, and than again coming down the steps of the band shell with a crash symbol, past Ellen's friend as he goes on, again on the left side.

Am i a sad human being?

Anyway heres a photo.

It was very big and twice as angry. My face was probably about 4 inches away from it while i was taking macro shots. I can still smell the adrenaline coming off of this photo!

Escapee

So my pet rat stories is currently running around my room. Im convinced he hates me and has from the start.

I got him when he was already pretty much an adult, and because of that, there wasn't an opportunity for a good bonding.

I don't think it helps that i have a messy room, it gives his wondrous places to run away to when i try to pursue him.

I hope he decides that it's just a game and comes back.

Hunger

While i don't know hunger like some people (i wont mention names) in less developed countries, or exploited areas of the world know it, I still from time to time experience it. When i do, i often try to correct it by eating junk food.

Im trying to stop liking junk food, its hard, but im slowly weaning myself off of corn chips, cheese nips, snack dips, and sour gummy strips, you know, the multi-colored ones that always come in that crunchy plastic tray.

I have found that drinking the south american beverage yerba mate significantly reduces my appetite. Don't get the wrong idea, im not a fatty. Im six foot nothing and weigh less than 150 lbs. But i feel that i could be eating better. I just don't think it's healthy to appease you hunger for nutrients by shoveling cheap carbs, fats and shamefully delicious sugars laced with all kinds of happy toxins into your body for your liver and intestines to sort out.

I don't want to say that only natural things are good for you, but i seriously doubt that the junk food companies are putting healthy chemicals into the foods in place of perfectly fine natural substances, the artificial shit is in there so it tastes better and has a longer shelf life, not to mention mind control, but im going to stay away from that for now. I just don't believe that these artificial or modified natural substances are better for you than the real thing.

I truly resent the term natural alternatives in terms of medicine. Natural should be first, then if your really fucked up you would resort to using artificial alternatives. Everything we need, we can get out of the ground and not have to modify it. I understand that people want to live in luxury and not have to deal with ailments, but we should not immediately resort to commercially manufactured pharmaceuticals to treat and prevent common problems that can just as well (if not better) be cured by a couple of leaves and roots. Medicine today is engineered to target a single thing, and powerfully eliminate or change its target. Such power toward such a small detail is sure to damage it. It's like spot-cleaning the dirt on you clothes with a high power laser, your going to get more than you bargained for. For so long we have depended on herbs and other noninvasive forms of healing such as massage, accupunture (sort of noninvasive), and chiropractic therapy to heal our bodies and minds, that is how we evolved. At the rate we're going, i wouldn't be surprised if you will eventually become dependent on these engineered chemicals, and those other forms of medicine will disappear completely.

Wow i can really ramble.

As for the photo, i took it while i was visiting my friend on her family's farm. It is wild, yes, but it let us get about 6 feet away before it ran off. 170mm from about 6 feet or so away.

Truly a gift of a moment. My friend spotted it but we didnt have our cameras, we walked the 1/4 mile back to my car, got our cameras and drove back to the spot hoping it didn't run off. It made our day.

Mermaid Parade

Oh man, sorry i forgot about it until now.

Im pretty tired now. hmm

heres a photo. (i need to start actually writing some stuff.)

Taken at the very soggy Coney Island Mermaid Parade June 20th 2009

Yes, it was awesome.

Yes, his skin was really that red.

Moth

My feet hurt.

Stormy weather...

No post yesterday, bummer. I'll try to be more consistent.

Traffic ticket court today, went well. The Angry sheriff who gave me the ticket didn't show up, as a matter of truth, not a single officer showed up for anyone's hearing in the room (which was roughly 20 something people). Friday at 1 PM, plus the fact that judges were dismissing a lot of tickets makes for cops not showing up. You see, some important dude in a suit in the county i live in complained to albany that the SHERIFFSweren't handing out enough TRAFFIC TICKETS, well the sheriffs got bent out of shape because thats not really their gig, they don't get paid as much as the patrol men do and now they have to do the same job, oh the way, the county cop's starting salary is around $57,000, not to meek i'd say, however after 5 years it jumps up to almost triple figures, over $95,000. Thats quite an excess for a not so dangerous job don't you think? Its not a dangerous area, and all they do really is hand out tickets, not important things like busting apart the heroin problem which has become so prominent about the high schools.

ANYWAY enough about the Spoc.

I went to work at 4pm, yummy.

On my way home i stopped along side the road to take photos of the huge electrical storm. It was all behind clouds so its not that interesting, but it did illuminate the atmosphere quite a bit. I hand held the camera and put the shutter on bulb because it was pretty dark and i wanted to capture the illumination of the clouds. Heres one that didn't suck to much, i hope you like it.

I should invest in a tripod i will actually take with me.

I start here...

It's time i started writing. To anyone who stumbles upon this, i am just another one of those dejected, self-loathing, mind full of dreams, slightly unstable, art students. I know there are a lot of my kind around, so i realize Im not too special.

Im quite low on the endless list of people who will "get theirs" so i have quite a bit to do around here. Hopefully Im not making myself too clear.

I do a lot of things i guess, its never enough though. Avocations that is, some are more like obsessions.

A talented man once told me about the rewards of making a point to take at least 1 photo each day. Needless to say i have been not to great at it, but that will change i assure you.

Even if i don't take one each day, i will at least try to post one that i took recently, however thats not my aim.

So come back wont you?